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In his first ever interview, Tunji 'Teebillz'
Balogun opened up about his personal
struggles while trying to raise awareness
on the dangers of depression and how to
overcome it because of the rapid rate of
suicide happening in Nigeria now.
Talking exclusively to Linda Ikeji TV, Teebillz
revealed how depression affected his life,
what led to his suicide attempt in 2016 and
how people can overcome depression and
get better. Read some excerpts after the
cut...
Interviewer: In your opinion, how can you
realize that you're going through
depression? What are the stages or the
place you get to that you know you are
depressed?
For me, the awareness comes from your
state of mind and I can actually only speak
about my own experience. You start
loosing interest in a lot of things; your
normal daily activities and things you do.
Sometimes it's difficult for you to sleep,
concentrate and it has different stages,
depending on how deep it gets. The honest
truth is that there's a lot of people out
there that I know are depressed and a lot if
people don't know that they are depressed.
That's the sad part. You just see people, I
mean from behavioural patterns, you can
tell if someone is depressed. And some
times depressed people can cover up to be
the happiest people around. They only let
you know what they want you to know.
You see someone laughing all day but deep
inside that person is dying.
From my experience, it got to a point I
didn't want to be around people.
I just
wanted to be alone. I was so messed up in
the head that I wasn't myself. So not being
myself, I didn't want to be around no one
and would be by myself a lot of times or I'm
just trying to use things to get away in my
own head. Alcohol can be one of those
things that people run to, which was my
best friend at one point in life. It was the
only 'person' I trusted to get me going. It's
a difficult thing I must admit.
A lot of people out there are going through
this thing, but once you are aware that
something is wrong with you, you can tell
and feel it that you are not yourself.
The Tunji of then was somebody that lost
his mind. Sometimes when I reflect back to
activities or things that happened back
then, It's hard for me to believe that that
was me.
The people that actually really
know me knew then that something was
wrong with this guy, but they could not
figure it out.
They were not informed
or educated about mental health. They
could not place it. I was able to pretend to
do normal stuffs and pretend that
everything is ok with me around normal
people. Me not being able t keep it real with
myself that something was wrong was
the reason why I didn't want to be with
people. So I can just be locked up in my
own world.
On his daily routine locked up in his own
world, Teebillz said;
My daily routine was the same but I was
just not, it got to a point that I just didn't
feel like doing anything. I was conducting
business and all that but my interest wasn't
there. Nothing was interesting to me at
a particular point.
At what point did he start
having suicidal thoughts? Teebillz said;
I think before 3-4 months before my
incident. Everyone around me that are the
closet people to me, they knew it. I even
had a conversation with them that "Hey, I
don't know what's wrong with me. I just
feel like killing myself."
The people close to
me didn't know what to do, they were not
informed or educated about it. For me, I
can understand their mindset now. Yeah
prayers will do it's part but it's not based
on prayers only. You have to go get the
medical treatment that you need and
prayer can be the one to support it.
Everyone that knows me know that I love
myself. I don't think anyone loves their
self like I do, my confidence level was on
150%. I was fearless.
On what took him from 150% to rock
bottom?
It's just the toxic environment. Do you
know living in this environment is very
toxic? This Naija, this Lagos that we stay in.
A lot of times of times, If you are not
disciplined, you would end up being
a product of your environment. The
company you keep can also be influential.
Like that's why right now I'm just me. I do
have friends but I'm my own best friend
right now. Like sometimes you just have to
let some things go. You get to a point of
your life and ask 'what value does
this relationship add or does it align with
my own values?
I found my own purpose
and defined my values Everything I do, if it's
business, relationship, anything, I have to
check with my own values. If
it doesn't align, it's not meant for me. I just
want to be me, live and enjoy my life.
Interviewer: Is it safe to say that you
hadn't fully discovered yourself then?
Yeah, it was one of those things. It was a
lack of fulfillment and I pushed myself too
hard. Which is one of the things wrong
with us, we don't get to
appreciate ourselves. How do you really
love yourself? It starts from appreciating
yourself, it gets to a point where you have
to filter yourself. A lot of times we always
want to desire for more, not actually
reflecting back that at where you came
from. 'I was that guy that couldn't eat 3
square meals while growing up, that
walked from school home.'
Just appreciate where you are and it gives
you that vibe to keep going. A lot of times,
we forget that and the hunger for more
starts messing with you mentally. You get
yourself into a mental zone where things
that are normal is abnormal to you. These
things happen in a lot of ways. It can
trigger from just relationships, business or
anything.
On What triggered his depression?
Mine was more of business then myself.
Relationships, family. It was a bunch of
things at that point as I allowed my
mindset get into a dark place. I have a
better understanding of life now. The
problems are still there but I have a
better understanding now.
On the characteristics/traits he had to
drop on his self discovery journey,
Teebillz said;
I literally wrote down my values and
worked with it. I'm still going through it,
I'm not 100% yet. No one will tell you yeah,
I went through this depression and I'm
okay now. It takes time but I am in a better
place than I was and it was actually the
help of my life coach that was able to get
me to where I am today.
At what point did you realize that you
needed help?
Two years before my incident. I went to
this same person, Mr Lanre Olusola. When I
started feeling, it wasn't there yet. I just
knew that something is wrong with me
and I needed to see someone. I actually
went to him, had a couple of sessions and
had to travel to the states, where I actually
went to see someone over there.
The
only difference is that Mr Olusola is
someone that lives here, understands my
culture. I got back and those feelings
started coming and I didn't feel it coming.
It's just lack of fulfillment. Life would throw
different challenges to us and it's now left
to us how we handle these things which
are normal. As long as we are living, it's
different battles that we are going to face.
This thing is not a money thing.
There are a
lot of people that are rich that are
depressed and you wonder why, that with
all the money they have. A lot of people are
poor but living better and happier. For me,
I'm blessed with beautiful children, and all
that.
I know how much I lost and that's what
business does to you. I've failed a couple of
times but I am not going to stop going.
That failure has taught me a lesson,
both in relationships and business.
On how he failed in relationships?
At the end of the day, you have to be
honest with yourself.
Are you the best
person out there or a perfect person? Life
is you live and you learn.
On how his relationship with God affected
and restructured his marriage?
At the end of the day, you have to put
everything in God's hands and not live like
you created yourself, You do what's right
and God sees your heart first. God sees my
own heart and I can only speak for ,myself.
My heart is God and with God. I put Him
first now. Before It was me doing things in
my own power. As a Man, it's your
responsibility to lead your family to God.
That's your responsibility, to lead your
family in God's way, I'm not a perfect being.
We are bound to sin, bound to make
mistakes and it's just your heart as it's your
motives that God sees, not your act from
my own understanding.
Watch the video below...
Source-LIB Exclusive
Balogun opened up about his personal
struggles while trying to raise awareness
on the dangers of depression and how to
overcome it because of the rapid rate of
suicide happening in Nigeria now.
Talking exclusively to Linda Ikeji TV, Teebillz
revealed how depression affected his life,
what led to his suicide attempt in 2016 and
how people can overcome depression and
get better. Read some excerpts after the
cut...
Interviewer: In your opinion, how can you
realize that you're going through
depression? What are the stages or the
place you get to that you know you are
depressed?
For me, the awareness comes from your
state of mind and I can actually only speak
about my own experience. You start
loosing interest in a lot of things; your
normal daily activities and things you do.
Sometimes it's difficult for you to sleep,
concentrate and it has different stages,
depending on how deep it gets. The honest
truth is that there's a lot of people out
there that I know are depressed and a lot if
people don't know that they are depressed.
That's the sad part. You just see people, I
mean from behavioural patterns, you can
tell if someone is depressed. And some
times depressed people can cover up to be
the happiest people around. They only let
you know what they want you to know.
You see someone laughing all day but deep
inside that person is dying.
From my experience, it got to a point I
didn't want to be around people.
I just
wanted to be alone. I was so messed up in
the head that I wasn't myself. So not being
myself, I didn't want to be around no one
and would be by myself a lot of times or I'm
just trying to use things to get away in my
own head. Alcohol can be one of those
things that people run to, which was my
best friend at one point in life. It was the
only 'person' I trusted to get me going. It's
a difficult thing I must admit.
A lot of people out there are going through
this thing, but once you are aware that
something is wrong with you, you can tell
and feel it that you are not yourself.
The Tunji of then was somebody that lost
his mind. Sometimes when I reflect back to
activities or things that happened back
then, It's hard for me to believe that that
was me.
The people that actually really
know me knew then that something was
wrong with this guy, but they could not
figure it out.
They were not informed
or educated about mental health. They
could not place it. I was able to pretend to
do normal stuffs and pretend that
everything is ok with me around normal
people. Me not being able t keep it real with
myself that something was wrong was
the reason why I didn't want to be with
people. So I can just be locked up in my
own world.
On his daily routine locked up in his own
world, Teebillz said;
My daily routine was the same but I was
just not, it got to a point that I just didn't
feel like doing anything. I was conducting
business and all that but my interest wasn't
there. Nothing was interesting to me at
a particular point.
At what point did he start
having suicidal thoughts? Teebillz said;
I think before 3-4 months before my
incident. Everyone around me that are the
closet people to me, they knew it. I even
had a conversation with them that "Hey, I
don't know what's wrong with me. I just
feel like killing myself."
The people close to
me didn't know what to do, they were not
informed or educated about it. For me, I
can understand their mindset now. Yeah
prayers will do it's part but it's not based
on prayers only. You have to go get the
medical treatment that you need and
prayer can be the one to support it.
Everyone that knows me know that I love
myself. I don't think anyone loves their
self like I do, my confidence level was on
150%. I was fearless.
On what took him from 150% to rock
bottom?
It's just the toxic environment. Do you
know living in this environment is very
toxic? This Naija, this Lagos that we stay in.
A lot of times of times, If you are not
disciplined, you would end up being
a product of your environment. The
company you keep can also be influential.
Like that's why right now I'm just me. I do
have friends but I'm my own best friend
right now. Like sometimes you just have to
let some things go. You get to a point of
your life and ask 'what value does
this relationship add or does it align with
my own values?
I found my own purpose
and defined my values Everything I do, if it's
business, relationship, anything, I have to
check with my own values. If
it doesn't align, it's not meant for me. I just
want to be me, live and enjoy my life.
Interviewer: Is it safe to say that you
hadn't fully discovered yourself then?
Yeah, it was one of those things. It was a
lack of fulfillment and I pushed myself too
hard. Which is one of the things wrong
with us, we don't get to
appreciate ourselves. How do you really
love yourself? It starts from appreciating
yourself, it gets to a point where you have
to filter yourself. A lot of times we always
want to desire for more, not actually
reflecting back that at where you came
from. 'I was that guy that couldn't eat 3
square meals while growing up, that
walked from school home.'
Just appreciate where you are and it gives
you that vibe to keep going. A lot of times,
we forget that and the hunger for more
starts messing with you mentally. You get
yourself into a mental zone where things
that are normal is abnormal to you. These
things happen in a lot of ways. It can
trigger from just relationships, business or
anything.
On What triggered his depression?
Mine was more of business then myself.
Relationships, family. It was a bunch of
things at that point as I allowed my
mindset get into a dark place. I have a
better understanding of life now. The
problems are still there but I have a
better understanding now.
On the characteristics/traits he had to
drop on his self discovery journey,
Teebillz said;
I literally wrote down my values and
worked with it. I'm still going through it,
I'm not 100% yet. No one will tell you yeah,
I went through this depression and I'm
okay now. It takes time but I am in a better
place than I was and it was actually the
help of my life coach that was able to get
me to where I am today.
At what point did you realize that you
needed help?
Two years before my incident. I went to
this same person, Mr Lanre Olusola. When I
started feeling, it wasn't there yet. I just
knew that something is wrong with me
and I needed to see someone. I actually
went to him, had a couple of sessions and
had to travel to the states, where I actually
went to see someone over there.
The
only difference is that Mr Olusola is
someone that lives here, understands my
culture. I got back and those feelings
started coming and I didn't feel it coming.
It's just lack of fulfillment. Life would throw
different challenges to us and it's now left
to us how we handle these things which
are normal. As long as we are living, it's
different battles that we are going to face.
This thing is not a money thing.
There are a
lot of people that are rich that are
depressed and you wonder why, that with
all the money they have. A lot of people are
poor but living better and happier. For me,
I'm blessed with beautiful children, and all
that.
I know how much I lost and that's what
business does to you. I've failed a couple of
times but I am not going to stop going.
That failure has taught me a lesson,
both in relationships and business.
On how he failed in relationships?
At the end of the day, you have to be
honest with yourself.
Are you the best
person out there or a perfect person? Life
is you live and you learn.
On how his relationship with God affected
and restructured his marriage?
At the end of the day, you have to put
everything in God's hands and not live like
you created yourself, You do what's right
and God sees your heart first. God sees my
own heart and I can only speak for ,myself.
My heart is God and with God. I put Him
first now. Before It was me doing things in
my own power. As a Man, it's your
responsibility to lead your family to God.
That's your responsibility, to lead your
family in God's way, I'm not a perfect being.
We are bound to sin, bound to make
mistakes and it's just your heart as it's your
motives that God sees, not your act from
my own understanding.
Watch the video below...
Source-LIB Exclusive
1 comment:
hmmmm....Teebillz has a point....Depression is another demonic spirit on its own,it has ruined so many lives
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